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Under the Wrong Impression

Written by Savanah Radaelli

We all know the look; maybe it’s a strange twist of the lips, a criticizing stare, or even an attempted smile, which often comes out strained or fake looking.  It’s the look a Belly Dancer can find directed at her when another person in their presence feels Belly Dancing is distasteful. Having grown up with a belly dancer for a mother, I recognize the look, even when it’s discreet. I have come to realize that when it comes to Belly Dancing, some people are just under the wrong impression.

Before I get into all the experiences I have had with people who made the wrong assumption about belly dancing, I would like to say that the majority of my experiences concerning talking to people about belly dancing, have been positive.

I’m not saying all people who aren’t familiar with belly dancing assume it’s vulgar or bad, because they don’t. Most of the people I have talked to about it either understood what belly dancing was and found it interesting, or they were willing to learn about it. Sadly the few times I have come across people who fit neither of those categories, it wasn’t pretty. The experiences started off low-key and worked their way up to “shocking” as I got older.

Savanah Dancing with her Mother
  "Leyla Najma"

Experience #1: Playground Skirmish

Some of my friends wanted me to show them a belly dance move, and while I showed them about the only move I knew how to do, a side thrust, they oohed and ahhed and attempted to do it too. Then a couple of boys on the playground called us weird and said we were “dancing funny” so we chased them around the playground as pay-back. Which looking back on it was probably their intended goal to begin with.

Experience #2: Selective Hearing

If she had been listening to what I was saying she might’ve known that, for me, going to a night club often entailed spending hours on end in the dressing room (or that was what it felt like at least), drinking a lot of Shirley Temples, and occasionally being in charge of taking pictures of my mom’s performance. While I found it fun, I wouldn’t call it a crazy night out in town if you know what I mean.

There was hardly anything traumatizing about these grade school skirmishes, mostly they were just annoying, but they were the first hints of what was to come. Middle school was a little more brutal, because by now the kids were grown up and could make more creative and harsher assumptions about Belly Dancing.

Savanah Dancing with her
Mother "Leyla Najma"

Experience #3:
What did you just ask me?

It was in middle school that I first had someone ask me, to my face, if my mom was a stripper. Considering I didn’t know how to react, I just told them no, she wasn’t, and that Belly Dancing was nothing like that. Looking back on it I probably should have said a lot more to the girl, especially since it was a rude question to begin with, but the shock of someone actually thinking that about Belly Dancing just blew me away.

I got similar questions from a few guys in my classes after that (the immaturity level at my old middle school was frighteningly high), and after getting into it with a lot of them, I just started telling people my mom was a dance teacher when they asked what she did.

I’m not embarrassed by what my mom does, in fact I’m ridiculously proud, and that’s the problem. I wanted to throttle some of the people who even hinted at my mom doing something distasteful, without any information on the art form. So it was safer for everyone if I just kept the role belly dancing played in my life to myself, until I knew the person wouldn’t take it wrong.

This misconception of Belly dancing is often due to incorrect or little knowledge on the subject, because Belly Dancing is sometimes assumed to be a form of stripping to people who don’t know enough about the dance form. Thankfully most people change their views on Belly Dancing after I explain further what that dancing is and give examples of some of the different types of Belly Dancing that’s out there now, such as Egyptian cabaret, American cabaret, Tribal, Tribal Fusion, and Alternative. It’s hard to argue with someone when they have sixteen years of learning about the topic and the other person has little to nothing. So far, these experiences have been about teenyboppers and children, who are easy enough to set straight, but adults can be a different story.  

Experience #4 Driving while Enlightening

The most recent experience I have had with someone who had the wrong idea about belly dancing was actually with a driver instructor. As I am sure you can imagine, it is not a good situation when the instructor, riding in a car with an inexperienced driver, suddenly sends the young person’s stress levels rocketing up.

The conversation started off decently enough. I was mostly just paying attention to driving, half paying attention to the instructor, since the guy liked to talk a lot. It was probably supposed to be a way of making me more comfortable in the car, and at first it kind of worked. But my first warning signs should have been when while he was talking to me, I got the vague impression he was also preaching to me. Suddenly he got onto the topic of the Middle East which made me get into a conversational mood, so I mentioned that my mom was a professional Middle Eastern dance instructor. Not the best move.

He actually said something along the lines of “Oh, I see” then said that he understood that some forms of stripping weren’t quite vulgar and that if that was what someone wanted to do with their life, then that was their choice. He said this all with “the look” on his face and it was obvious that he found the idea distasteful.

Let’s just say I used the last twenty minutes of him being stuck in a car with me to explain that Belly Dancing was a cultural dance, traditionally coming from places such as Egypt, Turkey, and other countries in the Middle East. I also mentioned that it was a family oriented dance, preformed at weddings, festivals, restaurants…etc. After I enlightened him on the subject, he simply said “well, okay then” and we had silence in the car for the last few minutes. Sadly I don’t think he was very enlightened by the end but I hope something sank in.